be brave: leading by example in the eyes of your teen
Parenting teens comes with its fair share of difficult decisions. It’s a constant balancing act between giving them freedom to grow and guiding them with boundaries that shape their future. But here's the key: your teens are watching your every move, and more than ever, they are learning from how you navigate the tough choices.
The Power of Your Example
At this stage, it’s not just what you tell your teen, it’s what you show them. They are absorbing the way you handle challenges, make decisions, and carry yourself through adversity. If you want your teen to grow into a resilient, confident adult, you need to model those very traits, even when the decisions you face are tough.
But what if you took a step back and imagined this scenario from a different perspective: If you were your teen, watching yourself in the same situation, what would you want them to do? Would you encourage them to take the easy way out? Or would you tell them to be brave, face their fears, and make the hard but right choice?
1. Modeling Courage in Decisions
Courage isn’t just about big, dramatic acts. It's in the everyday moments where we have to decide whether to stand firm in our values or take the easy road. When your teen sees you make a tough decision—one that might not make you popular but aligns with your principles—they learn the value of integrity.
What would you tell your teen to do? Probably to stay true to themselves, even if it's uncomfortable. So, ask yourself: Are you doing the same?
2. Showing Vulnerability is Strength
Parents often think they need to appear invincible in front of their teens, but vulnerability can be one of the most powerful lessons. When you share your fears, uncertainties, and how you push through them, you teach your teen that bravery doesn’t mean being fearless—it means acting despite fear.
If you were your teen, how would you feel seeing your parent be open about struggles, yet still move forward? It would inspire you to see that it's okay to struggle, and that pushing through is possible.
3. Decision-Making with Long-Term Thinking
Teens often live in the present, which is why it's so important for them to see how you weigh the long-term consequences of your choices. When you make decisions that prioritize future growth over immediate comfort, you’re teaching your teen the value of patience and foresight.
What would you want your teen to learn here? That instant gratification is not the goal; building a future with solid foundations is. This is a lesson only action can convey.
4. Encouraging Self-Reflection
One of the most impactful things you can show your teen is how to reflect on their own decisions. When you're open about the process—how you weigh pros and cons, how you check in with your values—you're teaching them a skill that will help them make thoughtful choices in their own lives.
Would you want your teen to be someone who thinks deeply about their actions? Then make sure they see you doing just that.
Lead with the Example You Wish to See
Every tough choice you face as a parent is an opportunity to show your teen what bravery and resilience look like. When you act with courage, integrity, and thoughtfulness, you're not just leading—you’re lighting the path for your teen to follow.
So next time you’re at a crossroads, ask yourself: If I were my teen, watching me in this situation, what would I hope to see? And then, lead them by showing them what is possible.
Remember: you are playing the long game when it comes to building a relationship with your teen and creating the family life of your dreams. It takes hard work, but it’s worth it.
PS - You know what else it takes?? A village! Click here to book a (free!) 30-minute 1:1 call with me to learn how I can give you the guidance and accountability you will need as you reclaim your relationship with yourself and your teenage children. It is never too late to start!
