Parenting teens comes with a unique and sometimes heartbreaking challenge: the realization that, at times, you will disappoint them. It’s inevitable. Whether it’s walking out of a store with your daughter disappointed because you decided not to buy her an uber-expensive prom dress, or telling your son that even though he doesn’t want to work his current summer job anymore, he needs to stick with it until he finds a new one, there will be moments when your teen looks at you with frustration, sadness, or even anger. And that feeling—the one that sits heavy in your chest, the one that makes you second-guess yourself—is the weight of disappointment. It’s inevitable. Whether it’s saying no to a party, or to buying their 20th Chipotle bowl this month, or refusing to buy them that trendy new thing that “everyone else has,” there will be moments when your teen looks at you with frustration, sadness, or even anger. And that feeling—the one that sits heavy in your chest, the one that makes you second-guess yourself—is the weight of disappointment.

But here’s the truth: we are no longer the fixers of their world but the guides through it. And sometimes, guiding them means letting them experience discomfort, frustration, or even sadness.

Parenting teenagers is a wild mix of holding on and letting go. We want to protect them from heartache, mistakes, and bad decisions, but we also know that real growth only happens when they step out and experience life on their own terms. It’s the art of allowing—allowing them to adventure, to fail, to try new things without us parents hovering too closely, trying to control every outcome. And let me tell you, it’s hard.

The other night, my teen came home, barely mumbled a “hey,” and disappeared into her room. No hug, no conversation—just straight to her room and door closed.

Immediately, my mind went to She’s being rude. What did I do? Is she mad at me? My feelings started spiraling—I felt unappreciated, maybe even a little hurt.

But then I caught myself. Wait… what if this isn’t about me?

That tiny pause changed everything.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

It’s wild how quickly our minds jump to conclusions. As parents, we’re constantly interpreting our teen’s behavior, and a lot of times, we assume the worst.

• They’re moody? They don’t respect me.

• They’re on their phone at dinner? They don’t care about family time.

• They don’t say “thank you”? They’re ungrateful.

But here’s the thing—these are just thoughts. Not facts. They feel real, but they’re just stories we tell ourselves.

And when we believe those stories without questioning them, we react in ways that push our teens further away.

Parenting teens is hard, isn’t it? It can feel like you’re constantly walking a tightrope—balancing between guiding them and wanting to be close to them. I’ve been there, caught in that cycle of nagging, correcting, and harping on the things they’re not doing right. And you know what? It’s exhausting—for both of us.

But here’s something I’ve learned (the hard way): focusing on the negatives doesn’t bring us closer. In fact, it pushes them away. And deep down, all I want is a connection that lasts beyond these teenage years.

Why Harping Backfires

I’ve noticed that when I harp on my teens about their mistakes, they shut down. They get defensive, pull away, or worse, feel like they’re not enough. It breaks my heart to see that happen. No one likes to feel like they’re constantly being criticized—least of all our teens, who are already trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in the world.

The start of a new year often feels like the turning of a fresh page. It’s the perfect opportunity to reflect on what’s working, what’s not, and where we want to focus our energy. For those of us raising teens, 2025 can be the year we double down on building meaningful connections with our kids.

But here’s the thing: building connection isn’t about grand gestures or perfect parenting. It’s about consistency, intention, and showing up in ways that matter most to them. If you’re ready to gain momentum in your relationship with your teen this year, here are some steps to help you move forward:

Start Where You Are

It’s easy to look back and feel regret about moments we’ve missed or conversations we’ve avoided. But building connection isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. Wherever you and your teen are right now, start there. Acknowledge the good and be honest about areas you want to improve.

When you hear the word "influencer," your mind might jump to social media personalities with millions of followers, carefully curated feeds, and viral hashtags. But what if I told you that you—yes, you—are an influencer of the highest order? You may not have a massive online audience, but the impact you make as a parent is far greater than any trending reel or viral tweet.

Your sphere of influence is your teen, and whether you realize it or not, your words, actions, and attitudes are shaping the person they are becoming. You might not make headlines, but the influence you wield is felt deeply and daily.

One Simple Way to Connect With Your Teens This Holiday Season

The holiday season can feel like a whirlwind, but it’s also the perfect time to connect with your teens—without overcomplicating things. If there’s one thing you can do to strengthen your bond this season, it’s this: spend intentional, one-on-one time together.

It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. A late-night drive to see holiday lights, baking cookies, or even a cozy chat over hot chocolate can create meaningful moments. What matters most is showing your teens that you’re fully present and value time with them.

For me, I’ve learned that each of my three teens connects in their own way. One might love chatting during a walk, while another prefers a movie night on the couch, and the third lights up at the idea of baking something together. The common thread? Being present and sharing moments that let them know they’re seen, heard, and loved.

So this holiday season, step away from the chaos and find one small way to share quality time with each of your teens. It’s a simple gift that will leave a lasting impression.

How will you spend time with your teens this season?

I’ve been there—watching my teen give up on something so quickly that it feels like they barely even tried. It’s frustrating and, honestly, a little heartbreaking. As a parent, I just want to step in, shake them, and say, “You’re better than this! Just keep going!” But deep down, I know that approach won’t work.

What I’ve realized is that it’s not really about the task they’re abandoning. It’s about how they see themselves in that moment—overwhelmed, unsure, maybe even scared. My role as their parent isn’t to force them to succeed or solve the problem for them. It’s to help them believe that they can succeed, that they’re capable of handling tough moments, and that failure is just part of the process.

It’s not easy to watch them struggle, but I remind myself that these struggles are how they grow. And even when they give up (and I feel like giving up on encouraging them), I want them to know I’ll always be in their corner, ready to help them try again.

Help a teen realize their dreams for 2025 through transformational life coaching.

What is the Holiday Referral Bonus?

It’s a limited-time pop-up promotion to celebrate the 2024 Holiday Season and welcome new friends into the fold of the Carin Rassier Coaching Community. 🎉

You can earn free coaching sessions when you refer friends or enroll in a 12-week coaching package. Read on for full details. 

If you’re anything like me, you might feel that tight knot in your stomach when your teen starts dating. My first instinct? To go into control mode, even shut it all down, or better yet: lock her in her room until she is 21, in the name of protecting her.  

But I’ve come to realize that this urge is rooted in fear, and while it’s completely normal, it’s not the best way to build connection, trust, and love with my teen. My ultimate goal is to nurture our bond, so I’m choosing to approach this new relationship with openness. Here’s how I’m navigating these mixed emotions and using this experience to create an even deeper, more meaningful relationship with my teen.