the art of allowing: letting teens take the wheel (literally and figuratively)

Parenting teenagers is a wild mix of holding on and letting go. We want to protect them from heartache, mistakes, and bad decisions, but we also know that real growth only happens when they step out and experience life on their own terms. It’s the art of allowing—allowing them to adventure, to fail, to try new things without us parents hovering too closely, trying to control every outcome. And let me tell you, it’s hard.

Recently, I had to walk this very path when my son asked if he could take a road trip to Montreal over spring break to visit a good friend who had gone to their school. It was a last-minute trip, with little planning, and he was going with a friend. My immediate, gut reaction? Absolutely not. My brain went straight into protective overdrive. What if they got lost? What if the car broke down? What if they made a bad choice? What if…? What if…? What if…?

But then, I took a breath. I reminded myself that my job isn’t to prevent every possible risk but to prepare him to handle those risks wisely. He’s a good driver. He’s responsible. They packed a small bag, their skis, a hockey stick, and their passports, and off they went. And yet, my heart still screamed, Keep him safe! Say no!

Instead, I chose to say yes.

Letting go in this way doesn’t mean I didn’t worry. I did. (Oh, I did!) But it also meant I was allowing my son the opportunity to grow. To build confidence. To navigate the world in a way that would prepare him for the future. And you know what? He did great. They made it there safely, played pond hockey, skied, and even took a detour on their way back to watch my other son play hockey in the Boston area. He had an amazing time and returned with stories and experiences that shaped him.

Allowing our teens to take on challenges—whether it's a road trip, a new job, or trying something that scares them—gives them a sense of confidence that no amount of parental lectures ever could. They learn that they can figure things out, that they can handle bumps in the road (literal and metaphorical), and that we trust them to do so.

Saying yes when our protective instincts scream no is one of the hardest things we do as parents. But it’s also one of the most important. The art of allowing isn’t about stepping back entirely—it’s about stepping aside just enough so they can step forward.

And when they do, they’ll amaze us.