your thoughts are not facts—and that’s a game changer in parenting teens
The other night, my teen came home, barely mumbled a “hey,” and disappeared into her room. No hug, no conversation—just straight to her room and door closed.
Immediately, my mind went to She’s being rude. What did I do? Is she mad at me? My feelings started spiraling—I felt unappreciated, maybe even a little hurt.
But then I caught myself. Wait… what if this isn’t about me?
That tiny pause changed everything.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
It’s wild how quickly our minds jump to conclusions. As parents, we’re constantly interpreting our teen’s behavior, and a lot of times, we assume the worst.
They’re moody? They don’t respect me.
They’re on their phone at dinner? They don’t care about family time.
They don’t say “thank you”? They’re ungrateful.
But here’s the thing—these are just thoughts. Not facts. They feel real, but they’re just stories we tell ourselves.
And when we believe those stories without questioning them, we react in ways that push our teens further away.
What If There’s Another Perspective?
Back to my daughter’s quiet night—what if, instead of assuming she was being disrespectful, I asked myself, What else could be true?
Maybe she had a rough day. Maybe she was exhausted. Maybe she just needed space.
So instead of marching into her room with, Why are you ignoring me?, I gave her some time. Later that night, I simply asked, Hey, you seemed a little off earlier. Everything okay?
And guess what? She opened up. Nothing dramatic—just a long day, a tough math test, and a need for some quiet. Had I jumped to conclusions and reacted out of my own emotions, I might have missed that moment of connection.
The Power of Self-Awareness
Our thoughts shape how we respond to our teens. When we become more self-aware—when we recognize that our initial thoughts aren’t always truth—we parent with more patience, empathy, and understanding.
So next time you find yourself thinking My teen is so rude or They don’t appreciate me, pause. Ask yourself:
Is this a fact or just my interpretation?
What else could be true?
How would I respond if I looked at this differently?
Our teens are figuring out life, emotions, and independence. The best thing we can do is not take everything personally. When we shift our perspective, we create a home where they feel safe to be themselves—and that’s where real connection happens.
XOXO,
Carin
PS - It takes a village! Click Here to book a (free!) 30-minute 1:1 call with me to learn how I can give you the guidance and accountability you will need as you reclaim your relationship with yourself and your teenage children. It is never too late to start!
