give me control
Don’t we all wish we had more control sometimes? Well, I do!
When I am feeling hurt, scared, fearful or overwhelm the first thing I start to do unconsciously is to control everything and everyone. I start to force things to happen so it makes me feel better. But the truth is, it may feel better at that moment but the uncomfortable feelings always come back (usually stronger than they were minutes ago) and then I try to control more….and so the cycle keeps going until I consciously become aware of it and change my actions.
Right now, I personally want to control:
My parents health
My teen daughter to stop growing up
My teen son to have an epiphany that he wants to come home instead of living away.
To control my other teen son to not even entertain the idea to not follow in his older brother’s footsteps or even think about going away (ok maybe when he is 20)
To control my teens future
To control my future
To control and make other people around me not hurt or feel better
I want covid to disappear like a fart in the freakin wind
Other common things us parent’s want to control:
What their teens wear
How their teen behaves
Make decisions for their teens
Tell their teen the best college for them
Decide what college major is best
Control when they clean their room
Control a work situation
Control the actions of a co-worker or boss
Our ego wants to believe we know best. Once we gain control, we think we will feel much better and safe. Trying to control is exhausting. Absolutely exhausting!
Trying to create control often breaks the connection with the ones we love the most.
It keeps us from focusing on the here and now.
Truly the only things we can control are OUR thoughts, OUR emotions, and OUR actions. Everything else is not for us to control.
I have to remind myself of this often to help me break the cycle when I realize I am in “control mode.
How to break the cycle of control:
1. Awareness is Key! Become aware that you are trying to control people or circumstances.
2. Stop and take a deep breath
3. Ask yourself, why am I trying to control this situation or person right now?
4. Be curious about what feeling/s you are avoiding or running away from
5. Feel those feeling: sadness, fear, anger, or overwhelm. Whatever the feeling you are trying super hard not to feel……stop and feel it. Sit with it, allow it, be with it, and express it
6. Repeat
The more we can feel the uncomfortable emotions and sit with them, over time the less we will need to control.
The less we run from our emotions the less we need to control. This will create more calm and peace in our lives. Our connection with our loved ones will be less about trying to control them and more about spending quality time with them.
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The Big Lesson Here:
I believe a big lesson for me this season is surrender. To let go of what I can not control. To allow God to do his job and for me to do mine.
My job is to show up. Be in the moment. To be as present as possible and not future trip so much.
My job is to control what I can control and this is MY thoughts, MY feelings, and MY actions.
So here is to more energy, more feeling, and more connection!
If you want support processing emotions, learning how to control less, contact me!
I am on a mission to help moms and teens connect with each other. When moms make positive changes in their lives, your teen is watching and will follow suit!
Be the change you want to see in your teen.
I offer 1:1 support for you and your teen. Life coaching is not therapy. It offers support, empowerment, different perspectives, and allows space to think and talk with a coach without judgment.
