holding space
Our teens have the answers, they will figure out their next step. They just want to be seen and heard. The best thing we can do as parents during this time is to: Hold Space.
revive your relationship with your teen
Our relationships with our kids evolve over the years. Now that they are teens, you may feel a bit separated or disconnected from them. They seem to talk with their friends all day and then behind closed doors all night. You ask them how school was, they answer “fine.”
What did you do today? They respond “nothing”
There are multiple barriers for connection and conversation with your teen.
WE NEED TO REVIVE OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR TEENS
Renewed attention is needed on how we interact and how often we interact. We need to bring our relationship back to life.
comfort zone
Are you living in the Comfort Zone?
Living in the comfort zone is not what we were born to do.
Many of us are not even entering the comfort zone we are living in the fear zone.
Our teens are watching what zone we are living in. I like to think of life in terms of several zones to live in. Fear Zone, Comfort Zone, Learning Zone, and Growth Zone.
Fear Zone is where we find excuses not to do something, lack self confidence, and worry what others think of us.
Comfort Zone is where we deal with the familiar and what feels safe, the regular habits and routines.
Learning Zone is where we start building skills, deal with challenges, and our self-confidence starts to grow.
Growth Zone is where we start living our dreams, set new goals, and master skills.
Whatever zone we choose to live in, we are subconsciously teaching our teens to do the same. If we tend to live in the fear zone we find excuses not to try something new, our teens see that our confidence is low, and our fear of failure is too great to take a step forward.
When we get into a comfort zone we have a hard time getting motivated to do things. We get complacent and it becomes difficult for us to self-motivate.
life is short, make it sweet
Life is Short Make it Sweet
This title is of a song I have been singing in my head since I left a concert yesterday.
It was exactly what I needed to hear. It rang so true to me……that life can be short (or long) so why not make it sweet. For me, this is exactly what I did tonight when last minute I was offered tickets to a concert with dear friends. I knew I needed more sweetness in my life right now since it’s been a bit sour lately.
Life can be hard at times. The human experience is 50-50. I like to think of it as 50% awesome and 50% not so awesome. Life can be messy, complicated, devastating, painful, and every other negative emotion you want to insert here.
Life coaching has taught me that our thoughts create our emotions and we get to decide how long we want to keep feeling these emotions. This was so powerful for me to discover. We can choose to stay in the emotions for hours, days, weeks, even months and years.
give me control
Don’t we all wish we had more control sometimes? Well, I do!
When I am feeling hurt, scared, fearful or overwhelm the first thing I start to do unconsciously is to control everything and everyone. I start to force things to happen so it makes me feel better. But the truth is, it may feel better at that moment but the uncomfortable feelings always come back (usually stronger than they were minutes ago) and then I try to control more….and so the cycle keeps going until I consciously become aware of it and change my actions.
be silly, be weird
I challenge you today to Be Silly, Be Weird today.
I don’t know about you but sometimes I let my life get way too serious.
I totally forget to have fun, laugh, enjoy the moment. We owe it to ourselves to create time to be silly.
We owe it to our teens to see us be silly, act weird…..to let loose. They are watching and learning from us.
We have to be a reminder to our teens that it is normal to be themselves and to be silly and weird. That life is to have moments of seriousness and moments of fun.
reflection time
This time of year is my favorite! Not because of the holiday buzz and the many festive activities but because of the tradition I created for myself years ago. I have a night of reflection.
I carve out one evening in December, grab my journal, cozy up to the fire, with my cup of tea, and reflect on the past year and how I envision the upcoming year. I do it from the lens of me as the hero of my story. We are the heroes of our story but we tend to pick out the parts that did not go so well and I take this time to concentrate on all the things that did. And since I am the co-creator of my life it allows me to write the story as the hero of my journey.
parents….do you do this?
Not one ounce of self-love or compassion for yourself. As moms, we barely rest, we continue to push ourselves. We do all the things: laundry, dinner, disinfecting the house, and driving the children to activities. The list goes on and on.
searching for what is next
As I continue to coach teens, I also have opportunities to coach parents. In these last few weeks, I have seen a theme in the parents I am coaching.
It is the feeling of “bored” or each day looks like groundhogs day, One parent stated, “I feel like I am accomplishing a lot by the end of the day, but I am feeling totally unfulfilled. I know I am not living up to my full potential but I feel stuck and want a change in my life but not sure what that looks like.”
This is common for parents, especially now after we were just isolated at home with our kids for over a year, it gave us time to reflect and help us understand what is important to us.
It has helped us decide what we want to keep doing and what we would like to change.
no….that did not just happen
Parents love partnering with me as their teen’s life coach.
Parents are on-board with me getting the potential eye roll, look away, and/or disengagement. This allows the parents to do what they love best with their teen…..Be the mom, be the dad that just loves up on their child.
I get to be the person that shows up and asks the questions, suggests different perspectives, helps with friend issues or advice, supports with college selection, helps with understanding and managing emotions. I provide tools on how to not do the eye roll and look away, and actually communicate their feelings (even if it's hard for their parents to hear what they have to say). I provide encouragement, I got their back, I nudge them to go after what they truly want.
AND the best part is that parents get to do what they do best, which is love their teen and allow me to help their teen find their way!